As a writer, I find it helpful to read a lot of online blogs. I have a folder full of websites that I call “the daily time-fillers of awesomeness.” I’m usually a silent observer of these posts, but when something strikes me, I leave a comment.
I choose these moments carefully, as I’ve made a conscious choice to post things online only under my own name. (There are too many individuals who post willy-nilly under a random name so as to never take responsibility for what they are putting out there into the world. Sometimes it seems they are trying to destroy the happiness of others on purpose.)
There are topics that I’m passionate about that make me stand up and speak out for what I believe in. For example, an article that really got my attention was a “how to” guide to happiness.
I subscribe to a lot of psychology magazines, and I’ve found that positive psychology seems to have taken the field by storm. I’ve read well over 20 books on how to be happy. One article I recently read said that being healthy was one of the “10 points that you must have for happiness.” Another part of that article alluded to good health—not as in healthy eating and exercise, but as in not having an illness. But despite what that article says, I refuse to believe I am disadvantaged in the pursuit of happiness because I have chronic health issues.
I do realize that health can impact happiness, especially when medical issues arise. Medications can also contribute to your perception of what’s around you. I often hear that you can create your own happiness. I believe that is true in some respects, but I think it’s easier said than done. That’s why I look at happiness as what I can do to make the world around me an easier place to interact with, thus hopefully contributing to my mission of happiness.
13—who loves chess so much that he owns books about it—has got me into playing the game, too. (For more about him, read my previous posts, "Crazy Little Thing... Yeah, This May Not Be Love" and "The Thinker Who Thought Too Much".) It’s nice to learn to enjoy something he is so passionate about. When I play, I focus so much on my own moves that I completely ignore what my opponent is doing. Suddenly I’m in checkmate, and I don’t even know how it happened.
That makes me think about life, because we only control our own pieces and our own plans. We can’t control what moves around us. If I just focus on what I’m doing in life with no consideration for the bigger picture, I get stressed quickly. There is only so much time I can spend deciding if I should be concerned that my head is hurting or if I’ll become quickly overwhelmed by the work in grad school.
Instead, I try to stay focused on what helps me find a happier and peaceful place, and I avoid what I know will decrease my potential for happiness. Sometimes, that means I need to talk things out—or maybe just sit quietly sipping coffee. If I’m having a bad day, I sometimes go for a walk to clear my head, or I wander around Barnes & Noble. And I recently took up mantra meditation, so I realize now that while my mind may race, I am at my happiest when in a calm environment.
I believe that we all should find what works best for us to get to our happy place. The more we take time to evaluate what we need for balance, the better able we are to deal with any outside disruptions. The thing about life is that we never really know what that next life “piece” being played will be.
It’s not always easy, but I try to be open to change. I know if something doesn’t go as planned, I need to be ready to look for other ways to reach my goals. I want to be more like water—to be soft and moveable, going with the flow of whatever comes my way. My life is always changing, and it would be easy to look for a single source of happiness. For example, I could look to my parents, or to 13, or to my future career as a writer to supply my happiness. But I know that would be unfair.
Instead, I take each day that comes my way, find the light in it, and go from there. I’m not as afraid of long-term goals as I once was. I need to look to the future, and I also see the importance of the little things and how they can slowly accumulate to contribute to a positive outlook. The little things keep me grounded in case the big plans do not go the way I expect or don’t happen within my timeframe.
Happiness is fickle, and I try not to let the stormy moments stunt my ability to bounce back. Just be happy? It’s not that easy, and I have no magic answers. My advice: Take time to get to know yourself better, and learn what can help you get through challenging times. That way, when an unexpected “chess play” in life occurs, you’ll know how to proceed in a way that will take you to where you ultimately want to be.