New York City is a beautiful beast of a city. The introvert in me expects to hate the constant chaos and not being able to escape from all of the people. But something about the city makes me feel so very alive. It gives me this giant burst of energy.
I don't necessarily want to interact with the people around me, but sometimes it's nice to see thousands of people wandering the streets, deep in the abysses of their lives. There are things in NYC that are somewhat novel to residents, such as the red-tailed hawks that fly around Central Park. I often see red-tailed hawks flying the skies around my neighborhood in Wisconsin, where they are just as beautiful but not nearly as appreciated.
In April of 2013, Spring Leadership training for the National Youth Leadership Institute (NYLI) was held in NYC—a location selected so we could see the National Hemophilia Foundation’s headquarters and interact with staff. When I’m in NYC, I get to see things through the excitement of my NYLI peers. It makes me wish my NYLI friends were in my neighborhood.
As NYLI members, we want to learn about the ins and outs of what happens in the bleeding disorders community. After all, we are the future leaders and want to get a head start on being involved as the organization evolves through the years. Most importantly, we are forming connections with one another. Honestly, I cry every time I leave an NYLI event. Almost three years in and these individuals are like family to me. I talk to them more often than I do some friends I’ve known for the longest. I've heard similar sentiments echoed by other members. We've built our own little community, brought together by the same goal.
The beauty of this program is that as time goes on, our own strengths are brought to the forefront, and we become comfortable enough to express our own insecurities. Sometimes these are things we wouldn't say to others under any other context. We did an icebreaker where we each wrote a question on an index card, then found a partner, asked our questions, gave replies, switched question cards and found a new person to chat with. These weren't questions like "What is your pet's name?" These questions were: "Who important to you have you lost?" or "What about yourself makes you the most uncomfortable?" These questions required real, sometimes scary, answers. We weren't even asked to write questions of this caliber. We just all care about each other so much that questions like these make sense.
We had another session that resonated with me. We were asked to listen to a challenge an NYLI member was facing and provide feedback on a one-on-one basis. I provided feedback for fellow member Lauren, and it was great because our seven-year age difference allowed me to share wisdom about life in college.
At that same session, I received feedback from Travis (see: Of NYLI Jam Sessions and Melted Cassette Tapes) on my recent challenge with stress based on how I view my dependency on others. My health issues often leave me feeling like an imposition.
This isn't due to anyone making me feel this way. Instead, sometimes I feel I was born with this "mark" that I need to consistently make up for: I'm sorry my body fails, but I'll try to be as helpful as possible to make up for it. But deep down, I know that's not even a logical possibility because I'll always have health issues, which makes me perpetually feel like however I help, whatever I achieve, it's never enough.
It’s the curse of feeling dependent. Still, Travis, who is one of my closest friends, knew exactly what I was talking about. Nothing I said seemed strange to him. His feedback and general understanding provided a starting point for me to re-evaluate my thought process.
NYLI’s members are as different as can be. We have diverse life experiences, an array of ages, and we are from across the country. When it comes to bleeding disorders, we represent a variety in terms of severity. For example, I'm a clotter, and the group welcomed me with open arms. We also have members who are siblings not affected by bleeding disorders and who have other factor deficiencies I didn’t know about before. We open our minds to learn what we each have been through. At the end of the day, though, we're equals who are bonded by our NHF mission. We're a connected web of interdependence. If something affects one of us, it affects all of us. We work diligently to bring light to all of the individual issues we find important.
Our connection to one another also means we support each other in-between official NYLI activities. When fellow NYLI member Manda was worried about getting accepted to grad school, we had lengthy text chats about it. I see this time and time again at NYLI meetings. We text each other if we know someone usually runs a bit late. We don't look down on each other's weaknesses, and we lift each other to our highest potentials. If someone needs help, we step up to the task with no questions asked. We've built our community. We may break up into smaller groups within whatever city we’re in at the time, yet we always find our way back to each other.
On one trip to NYC with NYLI, my foot had been hurting since earlier in the week. On the last day, I could barely put weight on it. Still, I was able to enjoy the group trip to the zoo because Sachin, whom I consider to be like a baby brother and mentee, walked slowly with me and took breaks to sit down because he knew I was in pain. (See: College Kids Think I'm Old Already, but I Just Know I'm Wiser for more about Sachin.) Later that day, another NYLI member named Michael helped me with my luggage through the various trains and at the airport—something I couldn't have accomplished on my own.
I don't think that our strong connections in NYLI are novel like those red-tailed hawks in Central Park. I think they are ready to spring into action within the bleeding disorders community as a whole. Life is interdependence. Someone packages the bread you purchase, and someone else drives it to the store. Even these words that you're reading were uploaded by someone other than me to the website.
Within the bleeding disorders community, we all need each other. Much like in the smaller representation of NYLI, a concern for one section of our community is everyone's issue. It would be a beautiful thing if we delved into truly relying upon each other. I'm working to recognize that my personal struggles are not a burden to others. It's not the easiest to reach out, let down walls, and realize we all need each other. NYLI has taught me that if you do this, wonderful changes can happen.